40-10-14 E-Z Slippers

STARRING: ART VAN HARVEY, BERNARDINE FLYNN AND BILL IDELSON

Vic finds out that he's about to become the recipient of many pairs of E-Z slippers for Christmas (just 10 weeks away).

SEE SOME DIALOGUE AND THE SYNOPSIS

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I'll bet you - like me - never realized that E-Z slippers were as popular on the show as all of this.

Perhaps you didn't realize that Mr. Sludge and Vic were 'arms around the neck, chummy.'  Well, they weren't.  But 1940 was a far different world than 2015 and beyond.  Mr. Sludge and Vic were neighbors.  They lived across the alley from each other.  Vic had talked baseball with Mr. Sludge - even though Vic had no interest in talking with him (he referred to him as a slob) {{{HEAR}}}  No, they weren't friends, but Mr. Sludge probably thought pretty highly of Vic, enough to MAKE him a pair of E-Z slippers.  I'll bet Vic didn't make Sludge anything.

Vic wasn't friends with Noah and Beulah either, but they sent him E-Z slippers.  Beulah's father rented to Vic.  That was enough of a connection to draw a homemade Christmas gift in 1940!

That's another thing about this episode - people made gifts for one another.  They took their own personal time to construct the gifts.  They didn't lay out $12 each at Walmart (Yamilton's) and purchase them by the bushel, like we might do today.

Trivia:

+  Miss Hammersweet's E-Z Slippers have little calendars on them.  They fit over the insteps like shoe buckles – small metal frames, and inside the frames are little... (we never find out the rest).

+ Who's Vic getting slippers from?  Miss Hammersweet, Beuhla and Noah, the Brainfeebles, Mr. Sludge, Ike Kneesuffer, Mr. Ruebush, H.K. Fleeber, and Mr. Gumpox.

40-09-17 Uncle Fletcher Unexpectedly Departs

STARRING: ART VAN HARVEY, BERNARDINE FLYNN AND BILL IDELSON

Uncle Fletcher has suddenly decided to go back to Dixon.  He found out Mr. Breep is driving that way and can ride with him and save the train fare.

SEE SOME DIALOGUE AND THE SYNOPSIS

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This episode essentially boils down to 'saying good-bye'.  I believe Uncle Fletcher will miss the Gooks and they will miss him.  He doesn't like the whole 'saying goodbye' business.  This is why he has chosen to leave on the spur of the moment.

Trivia:

+ Uncle Fletcher tells a story about Walter M. Veefy: Was at the train depot, waiting for his train to leave and kissed his grandma goodbye... he kept waiting for the train to leave and he waited all afternoon and kept kissing his grandma.

+ Uncle Fletcher also tells the story about Veefy's brothers drowning in various rivers, which he told again (slightly different) 11 months after this episode aired.

40-08-28 Uncle Fletcher Speaks

STARRING: BERNARDINE FLYNN, BILL IDELSON AND CLARENCE HARTZELL

Clarence Hartzell

The arrival of Uncle Fletcher on Vic and Sade must have been almost freaky.  Imagine listening to the show for so many years (by the time this episode aired, it had been on the air more than eight years) and suddenly you are introduced to perhaps the strongest character in the history of radio plays.

Actor Clarence Harztell would play the part of Sade's Uncle Fletcher.  When he was on the radio, especially his first three years as the character, the shows were outstanding, with memorable moments abounding.

This episode has him simply being himself - and that's a handful for Sade and Rush to handle.

SEE SOME DIALOGUE AND THE SYNOPSIS

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Out of all of the audio episodes that are missing, this one might be the one we wish we had.  Hartzell must have played his Uncle Fletcher character to it's zenith in this episode, or it certainly seems to read that way when you see all the goofy things he says and does in the partial script and synopsis.  Hartzell had just been hired and Bill Idelson and Bernardine Flynn pulled hard for him to be on the show. You almost feel like this was a time when the cast knew that 'radio magic' was taking place.  That being, of course, those moments we hear that seem to resonate forever.

One thing for sure, he likes popcorn.

Trivia:

+ Uncle Fletcher gets up at 5 AM each morning and the Gooks seem to say they don't get up until 8 AM.

+ It doesn't stop there - Fletcher enjoys conversing with himself to 'clear the cobwebs' in the early early hours.

+ There are few things funnier than Uncle Fletcher hanging up on a telephone caller.  It happens in this episode to Ruthie.

+ Fletcher made a mess of the kitchen faucets, yard, swing, Mis' Donahue's flower garden, house... and no telling what else.

34-12-17 Rush Brings in Rooster's Pants for Mending

STARRING: ART VAN HARVEY, BERNARDINE FLYNN AND BILL IDELSON

It's about 10 in the morning and Vic and Sade discuss the big, enormous blizzard going on outside.  It's about that time that Rush comes home.  He says it's recess at school but he came home to ask if Sade would stitch up Rooster Davis' pants.  He had snagged them on a nail and there's a large hole in the seat.

Vic and Sade inquire about Rooster, who is out in the shed, sans pants, surely freezing to death.  Sade sends Rush to get some overalls for Rooster.  When he can't find any, he gives Rooster his own pants and comes back in the house.

His parents are shocked to see Rush almost naked.

Sade begins to sew up Rooster's pants when things start falling out.  The first thing that falls out is a piece of green chalk.  Rush remembers a few days before, someone had written, Rush is crazier than his uncle's grandmother on the back of his jacket.  Rooster had blamed it on Heinie Call.

Realizing Rush is still almost naked, his parents want him to do something about it. He eventually puts on his mother's apron.

Digging through Rooster's pockets, Rush finds an ink-eraser. Rush had hit Rooster in the head with it in school and when he went to look for it, couldn't find it. Rooster had swiped it.

Also in his pants, Rush finds 11 cents. He claims Rooster owes him 3 cents and has for six weeks.

Then Rush finds a note Rooster had written to Mildred Tisdel, who Rush claims as his girl. Rooster wanted to walk home from school with her.

He finds other articles in his pockets: a little book about how to fix a cook-stove, a comb with no teeth, a busted pen, a hinge, heel-plate, lady's shoe button, a Ohio 1914 hunting license and a horse shoe nail.

Rush is angry at Rooster. After his mom has finished sewing up the pants, Rush heads out to the shed to deal Rooster some damage.

Minutes later, Rush returns because he forgot his jacket. He explains to his parents that since Rooster had his pants, he had gone through Rush's pockets and found things that were just as incriminating: a buffalo nickel with a hole in he had swiped from Rooster, a tube of mucilage that proved Rush was the one who glued Rooster's books together, some wire that proves Rush was the one who had tied Rooster's overshoes together and a bottle of red sand just like the red sand Rooster had found in his hat the other day.

SEE THE SCRIPT

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To me, this is one of the best episodes. It's so easy to read this script (and I recommend the book, highly) and 'hear' what is going on. Everything about this script is perfect. You can feel the chill that Rooster must feel out in the shed without his pants with a blizzard going on around him and the gags about the items in the two pockets is priceless.

This one belongs in my ten favorite scripts.

Lois May Hemstreet was mentioned as a young girl who is known to flip streetcars.

32-xx-xx Casting the Pageant "Shining Waters Flowing to the Sea"

STARRING: ART VAN HARVEY, BERNARDINE FLYNN AND BILL IDELSON

Vic is full of oats and informs Rush that he is going to be in a pageant at Mrs. Driscoll's house.  Mrs. Driscoll is rich and is in high society.  The pageant  is called, "Shining Waters Flowing to the Sea."  Vic's part is to be the 'Voice of the Congo.'

Vic must call and cancel an appointment with the junk man, who was scheduled to come over and remove some rubbish.

Sade comes home and wants Vic to meet Elton Wheeney, a man who will be teaching chemistry at the high school.  Wheeney, who is the brother of Mis' Call, needs a place to stay for a while and Sade wants to board him as a roomer at the Gook house.

Vic wants no part of a roomer, saying several times that they are always 'under foot.'

Vic brags to Sade about being invited to be in the play at the Driscoll home.  Then Mrs. Driscoll calls and wants to talk to Rush.  He too has been invited to be in the play; his part will be as 'The Mississippi and it's Tributaries.'

Vic's ego takes another turn when Elton Wheeney calls and says he can't come over and meet Vic for he too has been invited to be a part of the pageant.  His part is to be the 'Breath of the Euphrates.'

But it gets even worse for Vic's ego as before Vic can call the junk man, the junk man calls him and backs out of his appointment; he too is in the pageant.  His part will be the 'Moonlight on the Ganges.'

This meant something special writer Paul Ford (his website, his Twitter.) The Manual has given me permission to reprint this wonderfully written piece:

Lesson

An old radio show about nothing gained widespread popularity during WWII. Today it offers some relief from the dissonance between everyday life and a broader, broken world.

I’ve been listening to this old radio show called Vic and Sade. It’s a hard show to explain. It ran for fourteen years, 1932–1944. It ran on weekdays in the middle of the soap operas. It was fifteen minutes long. And it had seven million listeners. It was a big part of America and very influential. The people it influenced went on to be influential themselves. Yet not many of the recordings survive. It’s mostly a memory, a footnote.

The show is focused on only a few characters: Vic, an accountant; Sade, a housewife; and their adopted son, Rush. There were other characters later, a wacky uncle and so forth. The man who played Rush went off to fight in WWII, so they replaced him for a while. Every single episode was written by a man named Paul Rhymer.

Nothing happens. Not Seinfeld nothing, but nothing nothing. Someone wants to buy a hat. Or they sit on a porch. No jokes. The characters are only half-listening to each other. They repeat themselves. It’s a signature of the show that the characters repeat themselves.

During the whole run, America is basically in hell. In 1941, British commanders are raiding Bordeaux. The USAF is intercepting Luftwaffe patrols off Algeria. There is a tank battle at night for El Alamein. And on Vic and Sade they get a letter from Aunt Bess or talk about cherry phosphates. All this ephemeral stuff. It’s almost designed to disappear, and most of the recordings are gone, along with a few scripts, like this one:

RUSH: What’s Mrs Driscoll want ya for?
VIC: I have nothing to conceal; I’ll tell ya.
RUSH: [Chuckles] She stuck on ya?
VIC: She didn’t say. However, I’ll disclose what I know of the matter. Mrs Driscoll is putting on a pageant an’ your pop has been asked to take one of the principal parts in it.
RUSH: You’re gonna be in a play, huh?
VIC: Right. Tonight promptly at seven I appear at the Driscoll mansion for the first rehearsal.
RUSH: Whatcha gonna be in the play?
VIC: The Voice of the Congo.
RUSH: [Chuckles] What?
VIC: There’s nothing humorous about this, Ralph.
RUSH: The Congo is a river.
VIC: Mrs Driscoll is aware of that.
RUSH: She’s gonna give a play about a river, huh?
VIC: A play about many rivers. It’s called Shining Waters Flowing to the Sea. The idea is that the whole world is a network of streams. Somewhere all these streams join one another. That kinda makes us all cousins, see?
RUSH: No.
VIC: Well, it does. Reflect.
RUSH: Huh?
VIC: Think about it. Ya know the Mackinaw River, don’tcha?
RUSH: Sure.
VIC: Well, the Mackinaw flows into the Illinois; the Illinois flows into the Mississippi; the Mississippi flows into the Gulf of Mexico; the Gulf of Mexico also receives the turbid waters of the Snake, the Rio Grande, an’ the White. All these flow into the Pacific Ocean an’ join, through devious routes, the Nile, the Niger, the Amazon, an’ the Elbe. Follow me?
RUSH: No.
VIC: It matters little. Nevertheless, by means of all these shining ribbons of water, every man on earth is joined by strong bonds to every other man on earth.

What was that? Commentary on world affairs? Small-town satire? Exploration of the meaning of family? All of the above?

Most of what the show does is comment on how people communicate: how they listen or don’t, the way they might nap for a few minutes and rejoin the conversation, the triumph of the neighborhood over the global in terms of news. (Do Nazis want to spy on Canada? Well, the Mayor wants to join Vic’s lodge.) And the characters are self-aware—for example, Vic is the “Exalted Big Dipper of the Drowsy Venus Chapter of the Sacred Stars of the Milky Way,” a position of supposed great importance. He’s also fully aware that his club, the Sacred Stars of the Milky Way, overcharges for everything to the point of scamminess—yet he remains an absolutely loyal member. The characters know their own faults and the faults of each other, and that makes easy jokes impossible; they can see it coming.

Since I started listening to these shows, on no particular schedule—often I pop them up on my phone and fall asleep to them—I’ve noticed how many of my own conversations are like those on the show. The world is going on, parachutes dropping from the sky, and I’m talking with my wife about the trash can, or about whether I should put up new curtains. It’s not that the big world isn’t there. But the dramas of my life are over the smallest things, the things I do control. The color of the paint, the disposition of the children, the condition of the cats. I try to keep up. I do keep up. I read the paper.

When I moved to New York City, I became, suddenly, quite depressed about the world, and I told my father about my condition. “That’s easy,” he said. “You started reading the Times.” Meaning that the world was now at my doorstep, in all of its weird, baffling anger. And I still see it.

As the smaller ways of getting the news have folded, and the larger ones have engorged themselves, I keep feeling more pressure to care, to become engaged or—change that first “g” to an “r”—enraged, about things over which I have absolutely no power. It’s not wrong to be aware of them, to think of ways that you might contribute or alter the flow of human effort. As a writer I have the privilege of getting a small group of people to think about B when otherwise they might have thought of A. None of it means that I stop flowing to the sea, but perhaps one of the hardest lessons of life is that I am a river, not the ocean.

SEE THE SCRIPT

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By all accounts, this episode was from 1932, meaning this was one of the first of Paul Rhymer's scripts that have the formula as we know it today.

The script's humor, mainly focusing on Vic's ego getting slowly crushed, was a favorite go-to for Rhymer.

40-xx-xx Uncle Fletcher, from Dixon, is a House Guest

STARRING: BERNARDINE FLYNN, BILL IDELSON AND CLARENCE HARTZELL

Uncle Fletcher - a guest at the Gook house - has made himself at home.  He's gotten to know the neighbors and yells at them out the window (probably disturbing Mr. Donahue), he's made a very large number sign for the house (only he's painted the wrong address on it) and he's clumsily nailed himself to a chair.  He gets up at 5am and talks to himself.   He's also sent away for his rocking chair so that he can be more comfy.

This distresses Sade.  She is very mindful of Mr. Donahue's sleep and how her house looks.

She tries to get Rush to talk to Uncle Fletcher - to make him understand he needs to chill out.

SEE THE SCRIPT

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I get the feeling that Rush does not worry about this as much as Sade is does. Rush sounds a bit like Vic here.

All these things that worry Sade, won't hold a candle to all kinds of crazy things he will do the rest of his Vic and Sade life.  After all, he just got to (*the town Vic and Sade live in.*)

And while there are many things about Uncle Fletcher to worry about, the only real thing that will really bother her in the future will be his comings and goings around the railroad and streetcar tracks (although a close second might be the the way  that he emotionally blackmails her at times - but that's for another episode.)

40-07-27 Uncle Fletcher Is Coming

STARRING: BERNARDINE FLYNN AND BILL IDELSON

All heck is breaking loose!  Vic has unexpectedly gone on a long business trip to Flick Orchard, Minnesota with Mr. Ruebush.  They're reorganizing Consolidated Kitchenware Plant #12.

Meanwhile, Sade's Uncle Fletcher has called to announce he's on his way to visit the Gooks.  Rush got the info, but not the time of arrival or how long he plans to stay.

SEE SOME DIALOG AND THE SYNOPSIS

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Uncle Fletcher will be all things when is around, for he is funny, brilliant, long-winded, careless, caring, generous, selfish and well, the list goes on and on.

It's simple to describe Uncle Fletcher but at the same time, it's quite impossible.  He may be the most incredible character in radio history, and you might could include television history as well.  His stories are outlandish, but there's much more to him than that.  He's beyond explanation.

Trivia:

+ The notes say Plant #12 is in Minnesota but previous notes say Plant #12 is in Dismal Seepage, Ohio.  It could be Plant #2 or Plant #13?

+ The confectioner is named, Nick Cappolosius.  My eyes lit up when I realized this was THE GREEK!

+ This arrival of Uncle Fletcher would have been his first visit on the the program. (Not counting the introduction he was given at the end of the Crisco portion of the previous program, according to J. David Goldin's notes for August 26, 1940 - he used to have the transcription disc.)

+ 20/20 hindsight reveals that the excuse given that Vic is away on business (in Minnesota) means that Art Van Harvey (Vic) was actually quite ill at this time and Hartzell had been hired as Fletcher to fill in.

+ Uncle Fletcher "Will arrive on the New York, Monongahela an' Western Florida Railroad." (Sade has never heard of that railroad and she's sure if it does exist, it doesn't go through Dixon.)

+ Fletcher arrives on Gumpox's wagon, meaning: Howard and Gumpox were probably his first acquaintances in town.  And riding the garbage wagon was his first act after getting off the train (this would continue throughout the series.)

34-11-20 Mildred Tisdel's Memory Book

STARRING: ART VAN HARVEY, BERNARDINE FLYNN AND BILL IDELSON

Ike Kneesuffer calls and is looking for Rush.  Ike had sent Rush out on an errand to get him a box of cigars.

Rush comes home not long after and is told of the call.  He's got the cigars but he's also got something he deems much more important:  a memory book.  Members of Mildred Tisdel's Sunday School class were all given memory books - a blank book where friends write little doo-dads for nostalgic purposes.  A girl in Mildred's Sunday School class, Bernice Miller, got many signatures and writings in her book from big wigs downtown - the mayor, fire chief and people from the bank.  Rush tells his parents about a scheme that he and Mildred have hatched.  He feels empathy for Mildred and her book.  He'll get his parents to write important things in the book and sign important people's names.

Vic will participate but Sade will not.

Some of the stuff that Vic writes down in the book is amusing:

I hope you enjoyed the box of chocolates I sent you. - Henry Ford

I shall never forget the afternoon we spent together in the Illinois Central Depot.  - Mary Pickford

My wife and I hope to see you for a few minutes at Christmas time.  - Mickey Cochrane 

Thank you very much for your last letter.  We were very much pleased to hear you are well.  - John D. Rockefeller

I shall never forget the pleasant little chat we had last August.  - Ethel Barrymore

And the best...

Sincerely hope the lillies-of-the-valley I sent you arrived in good condition.  - Strangler Lewis

Ike calls again wanting to know where his cigars are.  Rush delays.

Mildred calls wanting to know how it's all coming along.  Rush will come right over with the book - except - there's someone at the door.  It's Ike - and he's very angry - and wants to see Rush.

READ THE SCRIPT

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The plan to doctor up the memory book isn't an honest one and his motives are not pure either, since he and Mildred are both trying to 'stick it to' Bernice.

Sade wouldn't participate because she felt it was dishonest.  Vic didn't mind helping at all.  He had other comments he wished to put into the book but Rush decided against greetings from the nation's President and other unlikely well-wishers.

34-11-16 Mr. Powers' Bicycle and the Shed

STARRING: ART VAN HARVEY, BERNARDINE FLYNN AND BILL IDELSON

The Gooks have a shed in their backyard.  Since they aren't using it, Sade has rented the shed to Mr. Powers, who is a boarder in Mis' Harris' house.

The shed has been rented out on the cheap - a mere 15 cents per month.  Despite the frugality of the rent, Mr. Powers has had the bike in there three months and has only paid 15 cents.

Furthermore, Mr. Powers has made a habit of sitting out in the shed in the evenings, smoking his pipe.

To top it off, Sade has asked him not to ride his bike on the Gook lawn - but he's done so anyway and has made grooves in the lawn.

After talking it over with Vic, she's decided to revoke his use of the shed.  She calls him up to tell him.  He cries.

Instead of making her empathetic, this angers Sade even more.

READ THE SCRIPT

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This is one of the few times we see/hear about a bad person rather than a strange person on the show.  Mr. Powers, while not a murderer, is still 'a bad guy' because Sade has bent over backwards for him and treats him more than fair and he still treats her badly.

33-10-19 Rush's Tonsils, Squeaky Shoes and Mixed Numbers

STARRING: ART VAN HARVEY, BERNARDINE FLYNN AND BILL IDELSON

Though Sade sits on Vic's lap and tickles him relentlessly, Vic tries to talk to her seriously.  Rush keeps having sore throats - and needs to have his tonsils taken out.

Sade reminds Vic that talking Rush into this won't be easy; she reminds him how scared he has been of the dentist in the past.

Rush appears and asks if he may 'walk around the house.'  He proceeds to do so (inside), all the while he is repeating definitions from his math book (about mixed numbers.)  When asked why he asked to walk around, he replies, "It's a secret."

After a while, Rush gives in to the questioning and says his friend Skinny Martin gave him 'magic powder' that will make his shoes squeak.  Rush wants squeaky shoes so that he can draw attention to himself.

He mentions that there is a Christmas present he'd like to have but it is very expensive.  But if he had the present, he'd have a lot of attention drawn to him.

He doesn't want to tell them what it is but after being pressed further, he tells them that he'd like to have his tonsils taken out.

SEE THE SCRIPT

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Surprising story is especially noted for the fact that Sade tickles Vic, a lot.  Vic is very ticklish (who knew?)  And though in the audio episodes we never hear them kissing or cooing, sitting on your husband's lap and tickling him cannot be construed any other way than being  a very intimate, physical activity.

I had been under the impression that perhaps they really weren't intimate at all, despite what my fellow online Vic and Sade friends had said.  But the tickling persuades me that perhaps there is something there after all.

The squeak powder: it is impossible for me to imagine this script without my mind reverting to the many of Hal Roach's the Little Rascals shorts of this same time period.  Spanky may not have ever had any 'squeak powder' but he or one of his cohorts probably had something very much like it - the early 1930's just yells out, "magic squeak powder," doesn't it?

39-12-15 Sade Needs A Gift – Quick!

STARRING: ART VAN HARVEY, BERNARDINE FLYNN AND BILL IDELSON

• Sade arrives to find Vic's not home, and she's got to scare up a Christmas present quick for Freda Chinbunny.  Freda's over at the Call's and Sade needs to find a suitable gift and hurry back there.
• Rush offers to go grab something at the drug store, but Sade remembers Heine Call delivers for the store.  He'd see Rush and tell his sister, and she'd see Sade's a big fake.
• Freda announced she and her husband (Mr. Chinbunny) were leaving on a trip on Sunday and won't be back until after Christmas.  Mis' Harris and Mis' Elder jumped up saying they'd better give Freda her gift now, and they ran off to fetch them, with Sade following soon thereafter.
  Sade: "Why they'd hafta realize I got no more Christmas present for Freda than a rabbit."
• Rush suggests a book he found on the street-car tracks the other day: it's new, not a speck of dirt on it. He fetches it: "An Exhaustive Report of the Work of the Sub-Committee on the Boundary-Changing Issues of South-Central Indiana."  Sade doesn't feel this would be a suitable gift.
• Rush refers to Edwin Tucket – on a Sunday school outing to a restaurant he ordered first and everyone else followed suit, even though they all hated fish.
• Sade considers washrags, but Freda's "all stocked-up on washrags."
• Sade: "No. Think of something, Rush. You're supposed to be a big high-school scholar drippin' over with brains.  I've got to get back there. Otherwise, they'll think I'm the biggest fake since the straw that broke the wood-pile."
• After much more consideration, Rush takes a call from Smelly Clark and announces Smelly has solved the problem. He wants to hide his gift for his mother at the Gooks' house.  Rush suggests Sade grab an appropriate gift for Freda from among the gifts she's hiding for others and then replace it before Christmas.
• She takes Mis' Harris' gift from Mr. Harry Sludge – a bottle of  perfume.  She tears off the gift tag and runs back to see Freda. - compiled by Barbara Schwarz, edited by Jimbo Mason

___________________

Other than books Rush has in his possession in the series, every other book title mentioned is almost always some technical kind of book that would be boring to a layperson.

We know Sade loves washrags, but so do many others in town.

We find out that Mr. Sludge's first name is 'Harry.'  That's appropriate for someone who gets a mustache drawn on his face twice in the series. [1] [2]

See the short script/synopsis

39-09-29 Two Tons of Coal #5

STARRING: ART VAN HARVEY, BERNARDINE FLYNN AND BILL IDELSON

Before reading this, even if you have heard/read it before, I strongly suggest you check out 39-07-05 Two Tons of Coal #1, 39-08-16 Two Tons of Coal #2 , 39-08-25 Two Tons of Coal #3 and 39-08-29 Two Tons of Coal #4

• Vic and Rush are about to start a game of cards, but Sade returns home from shopping and announces that  Mr. and Mis' Donahue are going to move back to Mulberry Street to the same house they used to live in.  Vic and Rush are stunned by this news.
• They each explode with, "I'm not gonna move that coal again!"  
• Sade thinks they should care about their good neighbors moving away, not about moving a little coal.
• Vic and Rush firmly state they're through carrying coal.
• Sade alters her statement to allow that the Donahues are only thinking about moving.  Vic tells her to write herself a note that he'll run away to Alaska before he moves any more coal.  Sade: (laughing) "I haven't said anything about coal."  Vic: "You've exhibited wise restraint.  Keep up the good work.  Continue not to say anything about coal."
• Rush asks if the Donahues intend to continually move back and forth between Virginia Avenue and Mulberry Street for the rest of their lives.
• Vic suggests "a distinct insane note in these proceedings.  He thinks they'd be better off living in a dray wagon."
• Sade points out all the positives leading the Donahues to consider the move again.  Vic is still incensed about the coal.  
• Sade can't see the need to move the coal again since it's already in the Gooks' cellar. Rush wonders where this rumor began.  Sade knows only that Mis' Trogle heard it from Miss Leepman.
• Vic sarcastically suggests that maybe another farewell party will be in order.
• Sade goes off to fix supper, and Vic and Rush pick up the cards, amazed at the unexpected unpleasant turns life suddenly presents. - compiled by Barbara Schwarz, edited by Jimbo Mason

___________________

Imagine it being 1939 and you are faithfully listening to Vic and Sade.  It's the end of September and by now you have heard Two Tons of Coal, parts 1-4, which began way back on July 5th.

You turn on the radio to hear the show and to your surprise, you realize once again, the crazy Donahues could be moving again and oh, that coal!

We only have one audio file to listen to concerning this story.  But the one file we have shows just how much the boys don't want to move the coal - and that was just the first episode.  Imagine the thespian howls used by Art Van Harvey and young Billy Idelson to suggest to the audience the outright silliness, pain and frustration in once again being faced with moving two tons of coal from basement to basement.

I am pleased as a peach to present these parts of scripts to you but I don't think for one minute that they in any way express what Vic and Rush lamented to the probable-howling audience. In my imagination, parts 4 and 5 of this story might be some of the funniest radio we have never heard.

39-08-29 Two Tons of Coal #4

STARRING: ART VAN HARVEY, BERNARDINE FLYNN AND BILL IDELSON

'Ma' Donahue?

Mr. Erickson doesn't want to lose Mr. and Mis' Donahue as tenants, so he's agreed to fix up their house, including the coal room.

Therefore, the Donahue's coal room needs to be completely cleaned out; this, of course, means the two ton pile of coal must be moved.  So, Mis' Donahue is giving the coal back to the Gooks as a gift.  

(Insert panther screams here)
 
SEE SOME DIALOGUE AND THE SYNOPSIS

___________________

Move the coal again?

Sade acts like coal was expensive.  I've looked and couldn't find the price of a ton of coal in 1939.  But I did find that the price for a ton of coal today is about $25.

I think a reasonable, liberal estimate is that in 1939, 1 ton of coal might be $5 delivered.  Perhaps $8-10 dollars for 2 tons, delivered.

Also remember, there was a coal mine and a coal company in the town they lived in, so prices were probably pretty cheap.  (And this would be a pre-war year as well.)

At any rate, $8-10 dollars would save a lot of work.

Trivia:

+ The only other time we know of where Sade escaped the men by going upstairs for solitude was when they wrote silly letters to Walter in 39-xx-xx Letter To Walter.

39-08-25 Two Tons of Coal #3

STARRING: ART VAN HARVEY, BERNARDINE FLYNN AND BILL IDELSON

As we learned in 39-08-16 Two Tons of Coal #2, Mr. and Mis' Donahue are
moving back, and Sade feels that it's only fair to return the coal they previously gave to the Gooks when they moved out.  She expects Vic and Rush to do the job the next day.  Rush protests that she should have been given more notice.  Vic tries to appeal to Sade's common sense.

Again?

Rush suggests having two tons of coal delivered to the Donahues at the Gooks' expense. Vic loves this idea. Sade won't hear of it. Sade counters with, "Mis' Donahue would never accept new coal."  Yeah, whatever, Sade.

SEE SOME DIALOGUE AND THE SYNOPSIS

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Rush complains that he and Vic should have been given more notice about moving the coal; the fact is, they were given nine days notice.

It doesn't appear that the Gooks and Donahues ever played "500" before 1939.  As a matter of fact, the couples weren't really that social at all, at least that we know about.  The social aspect of the Gooks and Donahues probably revolved around the ladies on their back porches ringing out their mops.  And the Thimble Club.

In my opinion, the reference to Billy Patterson in this episode is the very best of the lot.

Sade says August has a chill... I doubt it.  Low 70's or upper 60's for night time lows (Northern Illinois) do not require lighting the heater.

You ever just get the feeling that Sade takes every opportunity to make Vic's life miserable when she can?

39-08-16 Two Tons of Coal #2

STARRING: ART VAN HARVEY, BERNARDINE FLYNN AND BILL IDELSON

Dog gone the dog gone luck!

Sade has surprising news that the Donahues, their former next door neighbors, who had moved away just about a month prior, are moving back into their old house.

Rush realizes that he and Vic will be stuck moving back the two tons of coal that they were "gifted" with and Vic knows the boys will also be forced to help the Donahues move furniture.

SEE SOME DIALOGUE AND THE SYNOPSIS

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Of course the men will scream like panthers!  Maybe Rush can come up with a better excuse than his "overalls are wrinkled" -- the flimsy excuse he used when he first had to move the large pile of coal.

Trivia:

+ Nicer Scott is up his old, narcissistic tricks - this time, claiming he's "The Most Popular Youngster on Virginia Avenue". Four months prior to this episode, Nicer extended his popularity farther than his street by claiming to have over 2 billion acquaintances.

+ Here's a bit of trivia you may have read before but forgotten:  Vic enjoys playing golf now and then.  It's mentioned in this script that he had a date with Mr. Buller to play at the end of the week.  Let's hope Vic wasn't asked to catch Buller's clubs from a fast passenger train...

+ It turns out that reason the Donahues moved back was they simply missed their neighbors.  (Never mind the fact that Mulberry Street is less than a mile away).

39-07-17 Rush is Reprimanded for Flipping Streetcars

STARRING: ART VAN HARVEY, BERNARDINE FLYNN AND BILL IDELSON

RUSH: The dummy-smashing phase 

of my career is over.

Vic and Sade discuss a report from Ruthie Stembottom that Rush, Milton Welch, Rooster Davis and Smelly Clark have been seen jumping on fast-moving streetcars at night, without paying (called, "flipping a streetcar.") Sade mentions Mr. and Mrs. Edgar Foss of 18½ West Market Street. Mr. Foss works at the foundry with Fred. The Stembottoms were visiting on the Foss' front porch when Mrs. Foss mentioned to her husband: "There's those boys again."

Sade's very worried about Rush's safety; Vic tries to soft-pedal the danger.   

Once he realizes he was seen hopping street-cars, Rush admits it's been going on for several years. He says it's funny they've been caught because just last night they'd agreed to quit it as it's seen as being childish and because they got so good at doing it that there's no longer any danger or thrill.

Vic: "There's a certain thrill in flippin' street-cars, Sade."

Rush, though, mentions Vic's initials carved on four different streetcars, ending the conversation...

SEE THE SCRIPT (page 1) (page 2)

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Streetcar flipping may not register with fans today. Today's world is one of kids that age already having an ATV or a car, computer phones and watches, and instant access to almost anything you can imagine - or don't want to imagine - all supplied by parents who seem to have no idea how to raise a child.

Trivia:

+ Another new [probable] movie star is mentioned - Pauline Parkwood.  She's just another movie star whose first and last initials match.

Dizzy Dean

+ Dizzy Dean was mentioned again.  You might recall that Vic teased Fred Stembottom about his admiration for Dean in an earlier episode.

+ Smelly Clark lives somewhere near where the boys flipped the streetcar.

+ Rush uses the term, ''smash a dummy'' for flipping a streetcar. I couldn't find this term anywhere in relation to streetcars.

39-06-19 Nicer Scott Has a Ten Dollar Bill

STARRING: ART VAN HARVEY, BERNARDINE FLYNN AND BILL IDELSON

RUSH: I don't want Nicer runnin' around loose with a ten dollar bill.  He's liable to do something unwise.

VIC:  Like spending it on himself.

Rush: Yeah.

Rush has informed his parents that Nicer Scott was given a $10 bill by his Uncle Frank this evening - only his parents don't know it.  Nicer is afraid if he reveals this to his parents that they will want to do something crazy with it such as put it in his savings account.  Nicer needs Rush's support during the night, or so says Rush.

There seems to be another story that Rush is not coming right out and saying: Rush is afraid the money will somehow be spent before he can go across the street and keep an eye on him.

SEE THE SCRIPT

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This episode, unlike any before it or any after it, puts Rush in a very bad light.  We all can be greedy and selfish but it's not often the bad part of us shines through for everyone to see.  This episode though shows off the worst of Rush.

While reading the script, I fully expected Sade to tell him he could go spend the night at Nicer's house and he wasn't to come home until late the next day.  Then I expected her to say - "and you are not to play with one toy or eat one item of food that is bought with that ten dollar bill."  Seems to me, that would kind of mess with Rush's greedy conscious for a while.

Rush was planning on talking Nicer into buying two high-powered squirt guns from Yamilton's (2 for 75 cents.) Rush had his eyes on one of the two guns.  He also had plans for Nicer to buy a couple of dozen red bananas from The Greek (they are 3 for a dime.)  Rush also mentions a little store on S. Center Street that sells a 4" x 4" x 4" brick of licorice for 35 cents.  He also mentions he might come home with an aviator's helmet, a couple of Third Lieutenant Stanley books, a lucky ring and an automatic pencil.

It was mentioned that Rush needs new clothes, for he is going to go to Carberry to visit his Aunt Bess, Uncle Walter and cousin Euncie.

Rush quotes word-for-word from a Third Lieutenant Stanley novel: Third Lieutenant Stanley on the Campus or The Thrilling Capture of the Bank Robbing Professors at Yale College.

Rush has 31 cents owed to him by his friends.

Sade mentions Bertha Joiner, a lady who read so many dime novels that she went loopy.  Would only wear one shoe.

39-04-07 Mixmaster Beats a Strong Personality

STARRING: ART VAN HARVEY, BERNARDINE FLYNN AND BILL IDELSON

Mr. Personality?

(Special contest script: promoting The advantages of having a MixMaster to make great food with Crisco.)

Sade now has her new MixMaster, and raves about it.  Meanwhile, Vic was complimented by his Chicago boss, Mr. Buller, and was told that he has a 'strong personality' and does his best to impress his family with the news, but no one really seems to care.

SEE SOME DIALOGUE AND THE SYNOPSIS

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The Sunbeam MixMaster and Crisco promotion was still going on as of this script.  Not every script during this time involved the MixMaster but it's my guess that several do.  This script was done in a way that doesn't seem like a commercial.  As a matter of fact, it seems to fit in nicely.  Kudos to Paul Rhymer.

While Sade is raving about all she can make with the MixMaster, it occurs to me that she really wasn't mentioned in the shows as much of a cook. She did cook beef punkles and brick mush of course, and once she made 'Hooper Dip' and 'upside-down cake', but not much else.  She entices Vic and Rush in this episode with mentions of mashed potatoes and chocolate pudding.

Trivia:

+ According to Rush, off-and-on-crush Mildred Tisdel has a strong personality.  (By the way, if Rush doesn't have a strong personality, I'll eat a horse.)

+ The script suggests that the hype about the MixMaster might have been going on a month prior.

39-03-10 Sade – A Slick Operator

STARRING: ART VAN HARVEY, BERNARDINE FLYNN AND BILL IDELSON

Sneaky Sade finds a way to purchase a Sunbeam Mixmaster, a product being promoted by the show's sponsor, Crisco.

SEE SOME DIALOGUE AND THE SYNOPSIS (part 1) (part 2)

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The Sunbeam Mixmaster and Crisco teamed up on an advertising campaign in March of 1939. I cannot find any of those ads on the internet.  What I
did find though was that the Mixmaster probably did save a lot of time - if you were inclined to do things such as buff your silver. Yes, this mixer had an attachment to buff your silver. It also had an attachment to sharpen your knives and open cans. There were attachments to help you make mixed drinks, grind your own meat, and many other applications.

This is not the earliest date in which we have heard about Third Lieutenant Stanley.  He first showed up in the surviving material in January of 1939.

In case you didn't catch it when reading above, Sade cleverly used a penny and amplified it quietly to the enormous sum she was seeking from Vic.

Trivia:

+  If you haven't already figured it out, this was a special contest script: promoting the advantages of having a Sunbeam Mixmaster to make great food with Crisco.

+ Here's a list of all the kids Rush got a chance to name off before Vic stopped him:  Wendell Scott, Keith Vines, Ross Anderson, Lyle Roll, Lester Nafziger, Charley Neece, Everett Ireland, Harry Bliss, Ed Smoler, Bill Moore, Tom Keefer, Sam Sunkman, Millard White, Emory Jackson, Cecil Koker, Clyde Schnepp, Orval Lesters, Ellis Prossman, Joe Greel, Dwight Montgomery, Edmund Klin, Arch Cunningham, Robert Miller, Osbert Reynolds, Harry Ives, Walter Sneed and Franklin Obee.

38-xx-xx Sade Thinks Baseball is Just a Game

STARRING: ART VAN HARVEY, BERNARDINE FLYNN AND BILL IDELSON

Sade and Rush witness Vic in the alley arguing with Mr. Drummond.  Without hearing the argument, Rush surmises the argument is about baseball.

Sade doesn't understand why two grown men would put all that energy into arguing about baseball.  They both want to buy gloves so they can play catch - but they both want to pitch.

SEE THE SCRIPT

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Rarely does anyone want to play catcher.  In the 1930's, the catcher was usually the worst hitter and the slowest, fattest guy on the team. The catcher's equipment has always been known as the tools of ignorance. Technically, the catcher isn't even in fair territory - he's behind home plate in foul territory.

The pitcher on the other hand, is usually your best or second best athlete on the field.  The pitcher is the one with the ball - he controls everything out there on the field.

We know Vic played baseball on a team in Normal, Illinois.  In this episode, he seems to claim he was at his pitching peak when he played in Dixon. In another episode, he claims to have played in the Yukon (Canada.)

When Vic and Rush say that "baseball is science" - it really is.  There's a whole field of mathematics associated it with it now, called Sabermetrics.  Thanks to the internet, Sabermetrics has taken off and even junior high school kids today know some frighteningly long math formulas that have to do with baseball.

Aside from that, a baseball diamond itself is a mathematical hodge-podge of such precision, you wonder if it wasn't built by Masons.  Perhaps this is why Vic, the lodge member, loves the game so much.

Baseball is science.

38-11-25 Hank's Christmas Scheme

STARRING: ART VAN HARVEY, BERNARDINE FLYNN AND BILL IDELSON

Vic and Rush are impressed with Hank Gutstop's idea to wrap, then hide Christmas presents from families and then deliver them on Christmas, dressed as Santy Claus.  Sade, though, is unimpressed.

SEE SOME DIALOGUE AND THE SYNOPSIS

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You can see that Vic's fake attitude towards the undone meat (pretends he is mad) and it is the impetus for future jokes about the meat not being done, such as when he tells Sade on numerous occasions that she should [paraphrasing] "pack your bags and quit the premises."  Of course, there's never a lunch episode where they don't have to wait for the meat to cook.

The Santy Claus scheme by Hank isn't a bad one but I worry how much business he'd garner by charging fifty cents a package. Ten cents seems to be a much more reasonable rate.

The boys think it's a reasonable rate while Sade disagrees.  When in doubt, always take Sade's side.

This episode doesn't seem particularly funny but it's part of the 1938 formula of episodes so much that "hearing" this one isn't hard to do if you try.

Trivia:

+ This episode was broadcast the Friday after Thanksgiving, 1938.

+ Although I hesitate to call 1938 an "early episode" this is one of the rare early episodes where Sade is actually sarcastic.

+ Even in 1938 Sade really dislikes Hank Gutstop.  This episode has an all-time great zinger in it from Sade when she says: "I wouldn't dirty my shoe kicking him downstairs."  Come on Sade, tell us how you really feel.

+ There's another great line in this episode from Rush: "I bet if mom was drowning in the Atlantic Ocean an' Hank Gutstop rescued her an' saved her life, she'd say, "ish".

38-07-26 Vic and the Husher's Baby

STARRING: ART VAN HARVEY, BERNARDINE FLYNN AND BILL IDELSON

Sade chastises Vic for his social no-no of not complimenting the Husher's baby on his way home from work.
SEE SOME DIALOGUE AND THE SYNOPSIS 

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The baby in this episode is (Little) Charlie Husher, who we "see" throughout the audio episodes.  When we see him next, he's three years old later in 1938 and in 1941 as well(!); in 1943, he's magically six years old.

It's funny how times have changed.  In 1938, people you barely knew would get offended if you didn't talk to their baby; today if you take the time to talk to a kid (especially in the grocery store) their mother gives you a dirty look as if you are trying to molest their child.  I guess I really can't say I blame the mothers, as the world is full of weird people.

Sade talks like Mr. Husher wouldn't know Ike Kneesuffer; I think the two have already met.  We don't know exactly where the Hushers live, but it's probably just around the corner on Kelsey Street.  We don't know exactly where the Kneesuffers live either but I have always imagined them living on Kelsey as well.  They could live right next door to each other or across the street.  At any rate, it's a good bet they know each other.

Trivia:

+ Rush was at Seymour's vacant lot in this episode.

+ Mis' Husher's first name is Edna.

38-06-08 Rush's Summertime Haircut

STARRING: ART VAN HARVEY, BERNARDINE FLYNN AND BILL IDELSON

• Vic arrives home to find Rush on the back porch.  Sade has company, so they'd rather stay outside.  Vic thinks Rush looks dismal.  In spite of his tough demeanor, Rush denies this, saying he's "shakin' with inward laughter."  Why?  "Nicer Scott got his head shaved an' he's the most comical spectacle ya ever saw in your life." 
• Last night Rush was wanting to get his head shaved for summer. Mom put her foot down and ended it.  "Now Nicer Scott looks like a peeled onion while I still got a fine head of wavy hair."
• Sade wants Vic to come in and say hello to Mis' Applerot.
  Vic: "Why don't I just stay where I am? That woman talks the arm off a fella."
• Rush claims he's grateful his mother refused to let him go along with the crowd and have his head shaved.  Vic senses sour grapes.  Rush: "An' the funniest part of it is, to see Nicer you'd think he was proud of his appearance. Struts around like the People's Bank Building."  It's like the fox who lost his tail in a trap. He knows it won't grow back so he tries to convince the rest of the pack they'd be better off without the nuisance of having a tail.  Rush: "I shake with inward merriment."
• Rush points out that Nicer's hat won't fit now – flops right down over his eyes.  He has to have a safety pin to hold his hat on.  Rush: "An' you know what I do?"  Vic: "No. What do you do?"  Rush: "I curl my lip."  Vic: "Whatcha do that for?" Rush: "To show him I'm shakin' with inward laughter.  I done that about sixty times a school today."  Nicer accused Rush of being jealous. 
• Rush: "There's a million disadvantages to havin' your head shaved. Besides makin' your hat so big it won't fit ya, ya also run a dangerous risk of catchin' a horrible sunburn.  Vic: "That so?"  Rush: "Sure. See, a person's wavy head of full hair makes a protection.  When your head is shaved down to the bone ya got no protection.  The sun gets a straight shot at your skull an' pretty soon your brains melt down to a low gravy where ya finally don't know what one plus one is."
• Sade joins the boys; Rush thanks her.  She giggles because Mis' Scott told her all the positive effects of having Nicer's head shaved for the summer. Rush asks if Sade will allow him to have his head shaved now. She says okay.  Rush asks Vic for six bits.  Rush: "Give me seventy-five cents.  I'll beat it to the barber shop right now.  Quick.  Before Mom changes her mind." - compiled by Barbara Schwarz, edited by Jimbo Mason

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The episodes are few and far between when either 'the boys' (plus Russell) can trick Sade.  This one counts as one and the time they shocked her with the washing machine would be two.  I can't think of another time.

A head shave costing 75 cents is a bit amazing; I would have guessed 50 cents at the most.  This website about Portsmouth, Massachusetts says that a shave and a haircut cost 35 cents in 1940.

Mis' Appelrot and Sade appear to be friends in this episode.  It comes and goes.  Remember, in 1937, Sade took a car ride to Dwight with Mis' Appelrot, so they weren't always enemies.

Up to 1937 it seems they were not friendly.  In 1937 and 1938 they were friendly.  From 1939-1943 they were unfriendly.  In 1944 and beyond they were friendly.

Writer Paul Rhymer used the word "gravy" again when talking about 'melting.'  He also did this in a September 1937 episode.

37-01-18 Melvin Has Landed a Job

STARRING: ART VAN HARVEY, BERNARDINE FLYNN AND BILL IDELSON

Melvin Stembottom seems to have finally secured a steady job. He took some initiative and got himself a job working for the city, tearing up streets.

His family and friends are so excited for him and want to show encouragement - not to mention the fact that they don't want him to feel lonesome - that they have actually gone over in their cars to watch him and honk their horns for him so that he knows they appreciate his hard work.

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This is a fun, ridiculous script.  Imagine a workman on a job having an 8 person cheering section?  Cars honking whenever Melvin, his first day on the job, does something extra good with his shovel?  Quiet and shy Ruthie giving the foreman a dirty look?  Ridiculous - thy name is Paul Rhymer!

It appears that Melvin and Doreen Otto (Mis' Appelrot's sister) are romantically involved.  It also makes one wonder if Cracky and Clarence Otto's aunt is Mis' Appelrot?

SEE THE SCRIPT