38-xx-xx Books

STARRING: ART VAN HARVEY, BERNARDINE FLYNN AND BILL IDELSON
The episode begins by Rush telling about a Third Lieutenant Stanley book he's reading called, Third Lieutenant Clinton Stanley on the Campus or Winning Laurels for Old Alma Mater. The book is about Third Lieutenant Stanley playing football for both Harvard and Yale - at the same time - because he attends both universities!  He even scores a touchdown for both teams on the same run because:
They line up the two gridirons in a row.  Third Lieutenant Stanley gets the ball an' runs the length of one gridiron an' then keeps right on going an' runs the length of the other gridiron.  Two touchdowns at one an' the same time.
Later, he hazes 15 college freshman singlehanded!
You better watch out, said one big lubberly freshman.  But Third Lieutenant Stanley only smiled.  His hand darted out with the speed of lightning an' a moment later his victim lay writhing on the campus with a broken leg.
Another exciting part of the book involves the Lieutenant landing in his airplane right on a baseball diamond where Yale is playing out in the field.  He times it just right where he makes a catch of a high fly that wins the game for dear ol' Yale.

Other Third Lieutenant Stanley books are mentioned as well: Third Lieutenant Clinton Stanley's Big Love Affair which he had borrowed from Blue Tooth Johnson.  One of the more unusual things that happens in the book is that the Third Lieutenant assassinates a sheik by hitting him in the head with a... camel!  Another is Third Lieutenant Clinton Stanley as President of a South Sea Island Republic.  And yet another volume is called, Third Lieutenant Clinton Stanley in the Tropics or Twenty Years among Savage Cannibals.

A bit in one book (not mentioned which one) had the Lieutenant's mother walking across a tightrope over Niagra Falls.

The plot of this Vic and Sade script though is about the Brick Mush man giving out free books as a premium for buying brick mush (if you buy a whole ton of brick mush, you are entitled to a free bass viol.)

In this episode we find out the real name of the Brick Mush man: Mr. Keefer.  He apparently doesn't like/want people knowing his identity.

His son, Elton, is friendly with Rush. Elton, like his dad, is a very shrewd businessman.

Names of books given away by the Brick Mush man for a premium include:
  • Dorothy an' Her Daddy or Romping Among the Buttercups
  • A Brief Biography of the Father-in-law of Tyson R. Poppell
  • Tricks a One-legged Man Can Perform with a Dead Gorilla
  • A Report of the Work of the Sub-Committee on the Boundry-changing Issues of South-Central Illinois
  • The Life of U.S. McGraw
  • The Romance of the Hinge
  • Twinkling Tunes for Tiny Tots
  • Sightseeing in Sunny Kansas (Rush found this book on the streetcar tracks and later traded it to Elton for a skate key.)
  • Fun and Excitement You Can Have While Polishing Silverware
  • The Soul of Bernie Gummerman
  • The Great Warm Heart of My Uncle, Oscar Y. Slump
  • Famous Indian Fights of South Dakota
  • How to Handle Ill-tempered Horses
  • Little Princess Piggy and' Her Punkin-headed Pig
  • East Duckworth, Oklahoma, Land of Sunset Dreams
Gloria Golden is in a film currently running at the Bijou.  The movie is called, Foreign Legion Farewell.

Uncle Fletcher was kicked in the shin by his horse when he lived in Dixon.

SEE THE SCRIPT
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The book, A Report of the Work of the Sub-Committee on the Boundry-changing Issues of South-Central Illinois, was found 2 years later by Rush (also, oddly enough, on the streetcar tracks) in this episode.  Imagine, a two year-old joke by Paul Rhymer!

2 comments:

  1. What wonderful, evocative titles for books! And what a fabulous life Third Lieutenant Stanley leads! They're almost as funny as the Sacred Stars of the Milky Way's Guide for Wives of Lodte Brothers!

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  2. I'd like to look at the Tricks a One-legged Man Can Perform with a Dead Gorilla book!

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