Unique Head Injuries

• Uncle Fletcher - Fell out of a hammock; got a goose egg on his HEAD as "Big as my shoe." (Sade)
• Harley Eepers - Kicked a horse and the horse kicked him in the HEAD. Used to love to sit in a dentist's chair. Spent the rest of his life in an insane asylum.
• Hartman Whine - Once put his HEAD in a vise to see if he couldn't change the shape of his head so he could wear a street-car conductor's cap he had found.
• Barney Clutcher - Was hit over the HEAD with a banjo and "Lost the use of his HEAD." 
• Smelly Clark - Was hit in the HEAD with a six pound hammer by the telephone man who worked for the telephone company who was up the telephone pole fixing telephone wires.  Also: Hit his HEAD on the bottom of the swimming pool. 
• Brick Mush Man - Got his HEAD caught in a revolving door. 
• Vernon Stover - Relation of the Razorscums who ran for mayor; he had an oblong HEAD. 
• Ed Werfer - Was hit in the HEAD with a watch. 
• Cracky Otto - Hit some unnamed kid over the HEAD with his violin. 
• Ollie Mudfiggle - His wife sat on a suitcase not knowing his HEAD was in it. 
• Virgil T. Guthrie - When he was 41 years old his papa bought him a violin and hired a stylish music teacher and bought a music rack and had his oldest daughter make him a velvet pad full of sand to rest his chin on, but he couldn't master the instrument for love or money. He tried and sweat and scraped and worried and clawed and bit and yelled and stewed and moaned and... He made the music by hitting himself on the HEAD with the violin and opening and closing his mouth, but it was sort of a hollow sounding, gurgly, coconut shell kind of music, but it caught on with the public. He would pass the hat after 15 or 20 solos and maybe show a profit of 5 or 6 dollars in a single evening - the tragedy was that it damaged his health. He wanted to give good measure for his pay and perform good loud music so that the spectators standing way back in the crowd could hear it, so he hit himself extra hard - his wife had to apply a fresh bandage after every concert. He eventually grew a little simple and childish from hitting himself on the HEAD so much.