"Vic and Sade" was the most unique radio program ever, (1932 - 1944), written by the most-underrated writer of the 20th Century, Paul Rhymer.
Of course, in the world of "Vic and Sade", all magazines that come from Consolidated Kitchenware or the lodge are prone to a few mistakes, which makes Vic refer to the editors of both as being, "Sloppy."MIS' CROWE SAYS:
The Marching Team pictures have arrived, and, well…let’s just say the Lodge magazine is meeting its usual standards.
One of the funniest things Paul Rhymer does, in my book, is to have the characters describe a series of arresting visual images from his imagination (see “Beautiful, Beautiful Wallpaper”). The slow formation of the image of this bizarre assortment of photographs in one’s mind as the characters discuss it is just wonderful. My favorite detail in this is Rush’s repeated and unacknowledged, “Number 7 is a bicycle.” I can’t imagine what would be a funnier thing to have a picture of in this context than a bicycle. It’s just enough of an everyday object, but it in no way resembles a person and has nothing to do with the Loge or marching. It’s the perfect absurd detail.
SEE THE SCRIPT (transcription by Lydia Crowe)
MIS' CROWE SAYS:
The Lodge has decided to organize a Ladies Auxiliary Marching Team; Sade makes her feelings on marching absolutely clear.
I’ve always believed that a good couple should have mostly shared interests – if not, what are you going to talk about together? Still, individuals in a couple must remain individuals, and it would be boring if there weren’t a few points of contention between them. In a relationship, there’s always something that’s just “my thing” or “his/her thing.” My mother, for example, is an active member of the Society for Creative Anachronism. Occasionally she’ll suggest that my father dress up in Medieval garb and accompany her on one of her trips. He reacts much as Sade does here. I got a similar (but polite and entirely reasonable) reaction when I suggested we attend a weekend adult summer camp based on my favorite podcasting network. We all have interests that no one’s as enthusiastic about as we are, and trying to rope our loved ones into them is sometimes an exercise in futility. Vic, with his enthusiasm for parades, understands this very well, and isn’t really asking anything of Sade besides permission for her name to be on a list, but she’s so afraid of getting roped into marching that she feels she must draw a thick line in the sand right away to head off any possible threat of marching. My favorite line: “I’m glad to get included in your nice Lodge trash.”
In a previous commentary I wondered why Homer U. McDancy knows so little about modern women. We get one possible answer to that question in this episode: it turns out that he has only one female relative, his grandmother, a healthy and active ninety-year-old (and I think we can safely presume he has no female friends). Sade worries that the Ladies’ Auxiliary is going to be a pretty motley crew, but meeting such a wide variety of women could only do Homer good – if they ever manage to get everyone together in one place, of course.
SEE THE SCRIPT (transcription by Lydia Crowe)
+ Here's a list of the women (and their man) mentioned who will represent the Honorary Marching Team:
- K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K. Somebody (J.J.J.J. Stunbolt)
- Jellyman (O.X. Bellyman)
- Larry Pie (Harry Fie)
- O. Epson Fox and I. Benson Ox and then I Edson Fox (I. Edson Box)
+ There were numerous pops and clicks in the sound of this episode but I got rid of most of them.
- Vic and Sade
- H.K. Fleeber and his wife
- I. Edson Box and his grown daughter by a previous marriage
- O.X. Bellyman and his sister
- Homer U. McDancey and his grandmother
- Harry Fie plans to be married in 1948 to Gillie McDermott (remember, this episode aired in 1941!) and she will become a member
- Robert Hink and his landlady
- Slobert Hink and his landlady's cousin who lives in China!
The men on the Sacred Stars of the Milky Way Marching Team can do more than march. Take for example, Homer U. McDancey of East Brain, Oregon. He's written a book for the wives of Sky Brothers, a handy guide called, A Manual for Wives of the Sacred Stars of the Milky Way. MIS' CROWE SAYS:SEE THE SCRIPT
Could the Lodge’s more eccentric members (Robert and Slobert Hink, J.J.J.J. Stunbolt, Hank Gutstop) come from nobler stock than we think? This episode just leads to further questions. All we can conclude about Homer U. McDancy from this episode is that he is incredibly out-of-touch. Most of the All-Star Marching Team, we know from a later episode, are bachelors, but McDancy’s assumptions in this manual about what wives need to know suggest that he hasn’t even met any modern middle-class women, let alone married them. Why this isolation from the larger society? Was his upbringing so far removed from the working class that he assumes all the women are dirty-faced slatterns who never sweep the floor? Or has he just surrounded himself with exclusively male company for so long that it’s warped his perception of things? This episode just adds to the mystery of where all these weirdos in Vic’s Lodge came from.
I like how puzzled Vic is about how Headquarters let something as silly as this book through their rigorous editorial process. We have had plenty of ridiculous nonsense from Lodge Headquarters before this, so Vic shouldn’t be so surprised, but he does have a bit of a blind spot about his Lodge. Maybe seeing it through Sade’s eyes heightened its absurdity for Vic.
+ To be a true and loyal wife of a Sky Brother in the Sacred Stars of the Milky Way, Madam will takes pains with the neatness of her person. She will never appear in her husband's presence with soiled hands or a dirty face.
+ To be a true and loyal wife of a Sky Brother in the Sacred Stars of the Milky Way, Madam will refrain from stealing property belonging to others, using coarse language and engaging in rough street brawls.
+ To be a true and loyal wife of a Sky Brother in the Sacred Stars of the Milky Way, Madam will acquaint herself with The Treasury of Latin Phrases to be committed to memory and recited at meal times. Here are a few typical examples:
in hoc spittle dum cluck eve ad adra cola spinach es spogle raymond beirman ich ickle yam live tax om cornacopia feef
[Recall that Raymond Belcher Beirman was mentioned as a milk wagon driver (and bearer of bad news) in the episode, 41-01-21 Demise of Bernice. Now, he shows up in the middle of a "Latin" phrase!]Some mashed potatoes Latin...
+ To be a true and loyal wife of a Sky Brother in the Sacred Stars of the Milky Way, Madam will see that her home is kept swept and dusted at all times. It is suggested Madam purchase a broom and use it regularly.+ While the book itself is $3.75. you can obtain an autographed book by Mr. McDancey for $4.25. A book and autographed photo of Mr. McDancey in full lodge reglaia for $5.10. And for $6.50 you can get an autographed book and an autographed photo of McDancey in full lodge regalia.
+ To be a true and loyal wife of a Sky Brother in the Sacred Stars of the Milky Way, Madam will at all times be cheerful, truthful and obedient. She will be on the alert to anticipate her husband's slightest wish.
yah plummer e pluribus humor hoc in hoc signal vini vidi webster stockdale horse if extra curricular feef+ Sade says H.K. Fleeber sent her a pair of easy slippers at Christmas addressed to: Charlie, Gus, Walter and Margaret. Rush says Mr. Fleeber sent him a pipe with no stem and it was addressed to: Hazel, Eddie, Herman and Fat.
Gazing Into Your Eyes Like This is Heaven, Assistant Umpire Drake.[Recall that the last Gloria Golden and Four-fisted Frank Fuddleman feature we came across also involved an assistant umpire; the ever-popular, I Am Distracted With Love For You, Assistant Umpire Williamson. That episode aired 26 days prior to this one.]
The lodge headquarters in Chicago has honored Vic by naming him to the Sacred Stars of the Milky Way All-Star Marching Team. Nine others in the country were also voted to the team and Vic is of course very proud of this.MIS' CROWE SAYS:
What I love about this is, although Vic, Sade and Rush discuss most of the ridiculous aspects of Headquarters’ plan to have the Marching Team practice separately (the 4/16ths of a second, grown men all across the country marking up the street and marching back and forth all by themselves), they fail to acknowledge the single most ludicrous part of the whole thing, namely:
”In order that perfect rhythm be attained, each separate unit will train itself to march at the rate of one stride every 3 and 4/16ths seconds.”Ish on the 4/16ths of a second. Forget the 4/16ths of a second. THREE SECONDS IS A REALLY LONG TIME! Try it yourself. Stand up and imagine yourself marching to a sprightly Sousa composition and count “one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi” before you take each step. It is a comically slow pace for a parade.
For perspective, here’s a video of something I was lucky enough to see (and get stuck behind) during my Study Abroad travels — a Holy Week procession in Palma de Mallorca,Spain. Processions, of course, are not parades, but rather the slow and somber cousin of parades. Holy Week in Spain is a serious and mournful time during which Catholic fraternities fill the streets to commemorate the passion of Jesus Christ. These processions are not meant to be animated, but funereal, plodding and torturous. But count once: they are still taking less than one second for each stride! A parade at one stride every 3 and 4/16ths seconds would make a self-flagellating monk say “Can we please pick up the pace a little?”
This is an excellent trick of Paul Rhymer’s — dropping some absolutely crazy piece of nonsense on the listeners and then having the characters totally ignore it in favor of other minutiae. I’m sure there are other examples of this in “Vic and Sade.” Can you think of any?SEE THE SCRIPT (transcribed by Lydia Crowe)
MIS' CROWE SAYS:SEE THE SCRIPT (transcribed by Lydia Crowe)
The Kitchenware Dealers’ Quarterly completely misrepresents Vic.
If Vic would only lighten up and have a sense of humor about this, if he would embrace his new image before the wisecracking crowd, he’d come off much more gracefully. You know Vic’s coworkers are only doing this because they know how much this editorial snafu is going to upset him. Vic’s image is everything to him, and even if most of the magazine’s readership will never meet Vic, this is a severe blow. It’s interesting how easily Vic is able to ignore his wife and son’s merriment at his predicament this time — maybe such domestic mirth seems trivial in the face of the embarrassment he feels in front of his colleagues. Although Sade and Rush laugh at the image, they’re unusually sensitive and sympathetic toward Vic here. Even smart-aleck Rush is tiptoeing around him toward the end.
click to enlarge
This episode contains the first (surviving audio) mention of the mysterious Midwestern delicacy, beef punkles. I’ve always thought that beef punkles, whatever they are, sound delicious. I am not sure why this is. I’m not fond of beef and, in fact, haven’t eaten it regularly since I was a child. We know that beef punkles take a long time to “get tender” (four hours, in fact), which makes me think they come from either a very tough, stringy old cow or from some part of the cow we don’t normally eat (the word sounds like ''knuckles''). Depression-era Midwestern cuisine, in general, is not what you’d call ''delicious'' (is anything delicious after you boil it for four hours?). All evidence suggests that beef punkles are probably terrible. Still, I have an urge to try a beef punkle. Leave it to Paul Rhymer to put together a bunch of nonsense phonemes that sound delicious.
MIS' CROWE SAYS:SEE THE SCRIPT (transcribed by Lydia Crowe)
Rush has a scheme to make himself a fair bit of extra money. He outlines his plan to Vic.
This is one of those rare Vic and Sade episodes that brings tears to my eyes every time I hear it. The ending is so touching, and the excellent writing and acting communicate every single thing that Rush is going through. The thrilling emotional high, followed by the abrupt and complete crash, and disappointment combined with humiliation in front of the businessman he looks up to the most, and then that overflow of unnameable emotion that we sometimes feel when someone is kind to us in a time of trouble, and all of this felt a little more strongly because Rush is still partly a child — the poor guy is put through the wringer today. I think that you can almost hear Vic struggling to stave off Rush’s tears — hear how his speech speeds up when he tells Rush he is going to reward him for his smartness? That’s the sound of a parent frantically trying to make everything okay for his kid. Aw, shucks…this truly is a Very Special Episode.
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| "Norris Goff of Hope, Arkansas" |
MIS' CROWE SAYS:SEE THE SCRIPT (transcribed by Lydia Crowe)
Y.Y. Flirch wins a contest and Vic is stuck writing a short, breezy article about it.
Occasionally we are treated to a glimpse into the true nature of Vic’s Lodge friends. Usually, we have to rely on Vic’s appraisal of them, which is usually wholly positive. When we actually get to see them interacting with the characters, or when we find out information about their personal lives, we see that a lot of them are, frankly, fatheads. This time, Flirch’s antics become so irritating that Vic is forced to tell Flirch off in front of Sade (not before reciting the official lodge greeting, though, of course). This doubtless confirms all of her worst suspicions about “them Lodge fellas.”
Flirch has been given the honor of “best-looking man on the west side of Lester, Nebraska.” Sade cannot stop herself from expressing her own opinion of Y.Y. Flirch’s looks. Vic politely refrains from responding to any of this, however.
I’m uncertain whether Y.Y.’s hometown is Lester, Nebraska (which would be a fictional town) or Leicester, Nebraska (a real town, which as of 2000 had a population of around 400). If it’s the latter, it’s hard to say how big the town would have been in 1940, since so many small Midwestern towns have shrunk drastically since the days of the railroads and steamboats. But it adds to my enjoyment of the episode to think of Y.Y. being voted best-looking man on the west side of a town of 400 people…)
Download the complete commercial-free, sound-improved episode!FLIRCH MAY REALLY BE A HALFWITDespite the fact that Flirch is a big muckity-muck in the lodge and is the best-looking man in the Western side of Lester, Nebraska, we find out in a later episode that he lives in a tent in a parking lot. - Jimbo
MIS' CROWE SAYS:SEE THE SCRIPT (This script differs from the "official" script as it is transcribed directly from audio and has many differences. It was transcribed by Lydia Crowe.)
Sade wants Vic to write a letter to his brother-in-law Walter. Vic really, really does not want to do this.
Oh, Vic, Vic, Vic. He reminds me here of a student who is putting forth extraordinary effort to avoid doing a repellent classroom task. (It always amazes me how much work people will put into avoiding something they don’t want to do, even when the task they’re avoiding involves much less work than the avoidance strategy.) He’s also similar to some students in that he greatly underestimates the intelligence of his taskmaster. (Vic, did you REALLY think Sade wasn’t going to notice that you’d just copied an article from the newspaper into your letter?)
Sometimes Vic can be terribly childish, and he’s quite adept at getting Rush onto his team when he goes into “impish boy” mode. (Stay tuned for one of my favorite episodes, “Mr. Sludge Grows a Mustache”…) But today, Rush is much better at gauging the emotional temperature of the room than Vic. He allows himself a giggle at Vic’s first, completely unserious attempt at a letter to Walter, but when he sees how mad that makes Sade, he jumps into the role of the good son, proudly penning a borderline-smarmy letter to his uncle. Then he calmly watches Vic push himself into the abyss, his mind easy in the knowledge that he has saved himself from her ire.
Vic rarely pushes Sade’s buttons enough that she loses her temper, but this time, she storms off to the bedroom, leaving him to stew in his own guilt. It’s a drastic measure, but it’s the only thing that will make him produce the letter. Boy, I’d hate to be Vic having to creep to the bedroom with his tail between his legs after this!
I sympathize with Vic, as I think we all can. It is so awkward to fabricate a relationship with someone whom you have nothing in common with, purely on the basis of family membership. It’s hard to imagine Vic getting chummy with a man who is so insecure that familiarities like “you old horse-thief” and even “old top” might offend him. But family means the world to Sade, so fabricate he must.
One important discovery that Paul Rhymer made was the comedic value of the horse (well, perhaps he wasn’t the first to discover this, but he certainly made good and consistent use of it). I can never keep from laughing out loud whenever I hear Rush say:
RUSH: I’d just as soon drop ‘im a line. I’ll say: “Dear Uncle Walter: How’s your kneecap? Day before yesterday I saw a horse fall down. He got up almost immediately feeling none the wiser.”
Why is this so funny? Is it because “horse” is a funny word? Is it because a horse is a funny animal? Most people would say they were majestic. I’m going with “funny word.”
This fellow at the pool hall, calls Consolidated Kitchenware, the place where Vic is employed, but Vic is unavailable at the moment, according to the capable switchboard operator, Mis' Clem. So she decides to call Sade and leave a message with her. |
| Vic |
