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34-12-10 Lodge Brothers Go Christmas Caroling

  • Rush and Sade are playing the card game, Old Maid.
  • Vic arrives home early from lodge meeting. At the lodge he met Hamilton W. Hunkermanlystoverdelmogintoshfer.  Vic correctly guessed his name but mistook him for another Hamilton W. Hunkermanlystoverdelmogintoshfer.
  • He and some of the fellas are going to the hospital to sing Christmas Carols. Three lodge members are patients at the moment: Burt Wilson with a dislocated shoulder, John Lewis is getting treated for his stomach, and A. L. Freeley had his appendix removed this morning.  He sends Rush to get his overshoes.
  • Vic tells Sade the five carolers will sing in the slushy alley in back of The hospital. Sade wonders if it won't bother the sick people. Ike Kneesuffer will pick Vic up shortly.  Sade and Rush agree Ike's a terrible singer.
  • Vic: "Hot reception my idea gets around home.  Bet it was the same way with Thomas A. Edison when he invented the steamship.  People probably stuck their tongues in their cheek and …"
  • T. V. Abrams will also sing.  Sade says he must be seventy-five years old. Vic reminds her that T.V. was once vocal soloist with the Jumbo Cross-Country Chautauqua  - prob'ly forty years abo. Vic admits the other two singers aren't so hot either – Hamilton Richards and Charley Clyde.
  • Vic lists the songs he's chosen for the group to sing: "Cantique de Note, I imagine. Holy Night, Silent NightThree Shepherds Saw a Gleaming Star in the…"
  • After Vic leaves, Rush tells Sade about Ike's singing: "He's absolutely the world's worst singer.  One time down in the barbershop some travelin' man was gettin' a shave, and he was tellin' about some animal he'd seen in the zoo that made a noise so terrible it set your teeth on edge an'…"  Sade: "I've heard this story a dozen times, son."  Rush: "Uh-huh… an' Joe the barber bet this guy a dollar he could produce a noise worse than any noise the guy ever heard before, and Joe got Mr. Kneesuffer that was gettin' a haircut to sing Pale Hands I Loved Beside the Shalimar.'" Sade: "The guy gave Joe a dollar."  Sade recalls the fun she had caroling as a young girl.
  • The phone rings, Sade answers. It's Vic. He's in jail for "disturbing the peace, being a public nuisance, yelling outside the hospital, and scaring the patients half to death."  Rush: "Are all The guys in jail?"  Sade: "The whole five.  Say, son…"  Rush: "Yeah…"  Sade: "In a little envelope in my top dresser drawer get the ten dollar bill that's there. Gov's fine is nine dollars an' eight cents." - compiled by Barbara Schwarz, edited by Jimbo Mason 
The guy that Vic meets at the lodge - and guesses his very long and unusual name correctly - then realizes he is confusing him with another guy with the same name... hey now... that's funny, no matter who you are!  As far as comedy goes, it's genius and far ahead of it's time.  It's Fred Allen and Steve Allen-type humor all rolled into one - and it's name then was Paul Rhymer.

I've mentioned it before but I feel Rhymer's sense of humor is on par and very similar to some of the British comedy troupe's skits of Monty Python.  For instance, Rhymer's name gag reminds me of this sketch about Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern -schplenden -schlitter -crasscrenbon -fried -digger -dangle -dungle -burstein -von -knacker -thrasher -apple -banger -horowitz -ticolensic -grander -knotty -spelltinkle -grandlich -grumblemeyer -spelterwasser -kürstlich -himbleeisen -bahnwagen -gutenabend -bitte -eine -nürnburger -bratwustle -gerspurten -mit -zweimache -luber -hundsfut -gumberaber -shönendanker -kalbsfleisch -mittler -raucher von Hautkopft of Ulm.  While the troupe probably takes it a bit too far (it's a sketch from their very first television show) I think it suggests Rhymer-type humor.

As far the caroling goes, there seems to have been a bit of demented Christmas humor in Rhymer, with the awful/twisted Christmas cards, the ravenous wolf-like Christmas card sellers in June every year, the crazy Christmas card company promotions and carolers who get sent to jail for singing to the sick folk.

The song "Pale Hands I Loved Beside the Shalimar" is a real song.  It's actually titled, "The Kashmiri Song".  There's some audio of the song here.  (Thanks to the always-impressive Sarah Cole for the info!)


  1. The more i see of these comparatively early Vic and Sade scripts, the better I appreciate Bill idelson's indignation over the destruction of those transcription discs.

    incidentally, Pale Hands I loved Beside the Shalimar /is/ a real song: ; unlike that grand Rhymerism "Would that these pale hands crysanthemums might gather."

  2. Thanks so much for that Sarah!